Welcome back. It’s been too long since my last post, but things have been hectic. I had some technical difficulties with my blog changing its appearance even though the coding was untouched. So after some guess and check adjustments throughout the script I was able to resolve the issues.
Anyways, today I wanted to talk about the importance of a strong psychology and basically, how this is the foundation to all forms of success.
Let me start out by defining what exactly I mean when I say ‘strong psychology’. What I’m talking about is your level of self-confidence, self-awareness, and your ability to control your emotions. If you have these three things dialed, there probably isn’t much you can’t accomplish in life.
The problem is, most of us don’t have all three of these things mastered, which is fine because the process of mastering them takes a lifetime, and at the end there will still be room for improvement.
Although most of us have yet to acquire perfection, the point is we need to be moving towards our ideals on a daily basis. We need to be growing and improving constantly. If you’re not focused on developing this essential foundation for success in life, you’ll miss out on years that could have been used to get you closer to where you want to be.
If you’re not self-confident, how are you going to attract a member of the opposite sex? A lot of people I know are too fearful to even approach someone they find attractive. What does that say about your beliefs about yourself? What does that say about where you think you stand in this world?
What’s the root of this issue? No self confidence, no control of their own emotions, and absolutely no self-awareness. If you were confident, you would expect that person to see your positive qualities and be open to a conversation. If you could control your emotions, you’d be able to get past that irrational fear you’re experiencing. And if you had the slightest bit of self-awareness you’d see that any excuse you came up with not to do it, is based on a defense mechanism to avoid rejection, and that even if you were to be rejected it wouldn’t make a difference in your life what so ever. In fact, if anything, it would make a positive difference because you have now created a reference experience for yourself, that when you approach someone, nothing bad can come of it.
This is just one example, but if you have any area of your life where you’re incapable of getting yourself to go after what you want, or you’re constantly coming up with rationalizations not to act, examine what’s going on internally. Stop blaming external circumstances which are outside of your control and take a look at your own beliefs. Find out which excuses you’re making just to avoid confronting fears that may be subconscious, and you may not even be aware of.
So how do we build this foundation of a strong psychology? Unfortunately there’s no quick fix, but that’s ok because you can’t fully appreciate things that come too easily. And if you’ve been doing things the wrong way for a lifetime it’s going to take time and effort to break down old thought patterns to extinguish negative neurosynaptic pathways.
The key to a strong psychology is positivity, the willingness to step outside your comfort zone, exposure to new ideas and perspectives, and strengthening your ability to monitor your emotions in real time.
Positivity, meaning taking an optimistic point of view in every situation. Have positive expectations in all that you do. Expect great things to happen. Find the good in all situations. Re-frame every experience as something positive and as a new opportunity, no matter how difficult it may seem to be.
What we believe will happen in any situation usually does happen. Our beliefs and attitudes create self-fulfilling prophecies. If you expect negative things to happen, you are going to behave in a way that encourages those negative things to happen. And when they do, you will reinforce your negative belief system by saying, “see, I knew that would happen.” But the same is true for optimism. If you have positive expectations, you’ll behave in a way that encourages a positive outcome and you can build momentum towards a more empowering perspective.
You have to be willing to get outside your comfort zone. All growth comes from getting outside of the familiar and comfortable, and challenging yourself with something new. Make a commitment to yourself to try new things, meet new people, and visit new places any opportunity you get. You’ll learn more about yourself this way than you ever will within your comfortable, day to day, routine activities. You have to challenge yourself to get to where you want to be in life. Success requires you to take risks, to face the possibility of failure, and to rely on yourself to get where you want to be.
Seek out others who are at a level of achievement that you wish to obtain. They’ve been in your position before and have made it through to a better place. Learn from their experiences. Listen to what they have to offer and be open to their ideas.
Read daily. You need to expose yourself to a lot of information and knowledge that will guide you along your own journey. Reading allows you access to information from multiple perspectives, from individuals with an endless array of expertise and experience, from all over the world. Make a habit of turning the TV off, getting away from the aimless web browsing and mainstream news site that feed you nothing but garbage, and pick up a book. This slight change in your use of time will generate compound returns in your quality of life over the years.
Strengthen your ability to monitor yourself and your emotions in real time. And this may be the most difficult of all the strategies I’ve described above. To see yourself as you really are with all the excuses and alibis aside. We all have defense mechanisms, self serving biases, and EXCUSES to why things aren’t the way we want them to be. I said it earlier, but it’s much worth being restated. Forget about anything external that you cannot control and focus on the only thing in this world you can control. YOURSELF.
This involves a conscious awareness of your emotions. Any time you experience a negative emotion, question it. Why am I feeling this way? What caused it? What about that don’t I like? What beliefs do I have that would make me react emotionally to this situation? If you do this enough, you’ll realize that whatever it is that causes most of your negative emotions is based on an irrational belief or perspective that causes you to perceive things in a negative way.
In reality, there is no rational reason for you to respond that way, or at least that strongly to these situations you perceive to be negative in the first place. Practice this over time and you will rarely ever experience negative emotions. And when you do, you’ll have the ability to extinguish them quickly if you choose to. The key word here being choice. Sometimes it’s ok, and appropriate to experience negative emotions. In that case, don’t resist the emotion. Allow yourself to experience it and it will pass.
If you can focus on the few topics I just discussed, you’ll be well on your way to developing a strong psychology. The stronger you build it, the more easily you’ll walk through life. When you get these things dialed, you’ll be amazed by how differently you interact with others. How things you thought to be impossible become easy, and happen as a natural consequence of who you are. And how any limitation you believed to exist, never did in the first place. There are no limits in life.
Thanks for reading. I promise to have something new posted again within the next few days and I’m also thinking of creating a page for recommended reading and/or quotes from books I’ve read recently. Until I get a chance to put the list together, my first reading recommendation would be The Unfolding Self by Ralph Metzner.by